Living in the counterfactual

 I moved to Edinburgh in 2022 from the United States after having spent 12 years of my life there. I had naively assumed that Edinburgh would be very similar and I would get adjusted to my new surroundings fairly quickly. I was quite wrong. Our tenement apartment was cold, we had a mice problem, and it took some time to get adjusted to my new working hours (where I would start at 11 AM and finish at 7 PM to allow for overlap with US teams). 

During this time, I wished for a magical undo button that I could press and get my old life back. I would spend time wondering how things would be different if I were only back in Colorado. Perhaps I wouldn't be struggling at work. Maybe I wouldn't worry about things like taxes, and electricity bills so much. 

It took me a good two years to get adjusted to life in Edinburgh. Reflecting on my initial time I realized what I was doing. It was living in the counterfactual. 

Everyone does this. You imagine a hypothetical scenario that could have happened if you made a different decision and waste time thinking about it. This may be useful, if you can quickly learn from your mistakes and modify future behaviour. But it's of no use if it's only a source of worry, anxiety, and longing for something that can't be achieved.

This pattern is also quite common in games of Chess. You may feel you are better in a position, but if you end up losing the advantage, an equal position may feel like as if you lost something.

Here is a position from one of my recent Chess.com rapid games (I am black):

Here as black, I had good pressure along the e-file. I am already castled. The white King and Queen are aligned with my rook and I have pinned the dark square bishop. I saw that white could play 1. Rd1 (attacking my queen), but I could respond with 1... Qe7 and add to the pressure.

White's follow-up though was instead, 1. Nf3, and I followed through with my plan of piling on the pressure on the e-file, and I played 1... Qe7. What I didn't see though was white's refutation of this move, which was 2. Nd4, blocking my Bishop.

I really thought I was better in the initial position, but now I wasn't really sure what the follow-up was. I was so eager to utilize the pressure down the e-file, that I played one of the worst moves in the position. 2... Nc6. I did see that white would win a pawn in the exchange of 3. Nxc6, bxc6 4. Bxc6, Rb8, and I thought I would have pressure down the e-file and the b-file. What I missed was that my other e-rook is also attacked by the bishop and I would lose the exchange (and my attack).

I should have accepted that my advantage isn't there anymore after 2. Nd4 was played, but instead I was still living in the counterfactual narrative that I was better, and should keep pressing. Things may have been actually different if I had just played 3. c6, or 3. Nd7 instead.

This acceptance of new reality is as important in life and in chess. The faster we can come to terms with it, the easier it will be for us.